Horse Tails

3.25.18

Once upon a time, there was a small grey pony...

Sadly I didn't get to meet "Suzi" until she was in her late teens. Of course, the dealer at the sale told me that the pony was only '12'. I learned long ago to take whatever I was told about a horse with the proverbial grain of salt.  Once again, it was a smart thing to do.

Suzi had no name when we first met. A friend n' I had gone to a PA auction sale known for it's sickly, thin or abused horses. Not one pony was what I wanted. We were thinking of going home when there was one more horse to sell we stayed. Into the ring comes (begrudgingly, mind you) a small flea-bitten grey pony. She was small- not at all what I had wanted to use for riding lessons.

At any rate, my hand went up enough that she was mine. ( After my friend grabbed my arm saying " THERE's your PONY!!")  I called my husband, telling him to bring the truck/trailer - that I'd bought a "draft horse". When he arrived, boy was he surprised! Just a small pony with a 'standy- up' kind of forelock and a mighty grumpy face. She arrived at our barn and made it thru her quarantine, showing she was healthy enough.

The students & I discussed a name for her, and they all decided on SUZI. "Suzi" she became. Then a few months later, one of them said that brushing her during shedding season was like dealing with a 'summer storm'. That became her official name... in case she went to shows or needed a full name.

Suzi proceeded to bite just about everyone in the barn at one time or another. Even the husband then got nailed. Thank goodness it was late winter and we all wore heavy clothing. Very quickly I decided that I would be doing most of the handling of Suzi as I didn't want anyone injured by a very fast moving pony face. It turned out that Suzi was a driving pony who also had been ridden. She had two speeds-  FAST or stop. I don't know how many kids fell off her during lessons, but there were many. Eventually, she taught them to pay close attention to what she was doing, or get dumped.  The first time one of them didn't fall off,instead jumping off, landing on her feet, throwing her arms in the air like an Olympic star would have.  Suzi stood there staring at her in amazement.

All of the kids loved this rotten little grey pony- I guess maybe they could see the good in her. That fact that she'd been abused before she moved here made them be more understanding of her. One time, I allowed a little girl to head out to "catch" Suzi for her lesson. She came walking back to the barn, rubbing her arm, telling me that Suzi said: " NO RIDING today!!!" I asked her if she'd been hurt
(re- the arm) and she denied it totally. "Oh no, Miss Kris, I just bumped it- Suzi never tried to bite"... Yeah, right. There were not many people I'd allow to do that, and the little gal was one. After that, it was just me.

One time, a student's mom had come to see her daughter, and Suzi was loose, grazing in the yard. She walked by talking to Suzi in a kind, friendly voice. Ha- I mentioned to her that she may want to come to the barn instead, and she did.  But-  on their way out of the barn area, Mom decided that Suzi was a sweet looking little pony and needed a pat. She got maybe 20' away from that pony when Suzi flattened her ears and took a few menacing steps toward Mom. Her daughter told her
" See, Mom?  NEVER be nice to that pony!"
We all had a chuckle over that.

We took her to small horse shows, she put up with being decorated for Halloween, and bathed and groomed, and led All over the neighborhood to visit. Many many children learned how to ride on Our Suzi. They all adored her to some extent and Suzi learned that being loved and fussed over was a good thing. Much better than being worked to the point of exhaustion and then being hit which had been her life prior.

My mother was helping with a local theatre group one Spring- they were going to perform " The Wizard of Oz" and I jokingly told her on one visit, that they needed a grey/ white pony to be the Horse of a Different Color.  She took me seriously, and a few days later, she asked if I could please bring Suzi to the theater. ( I should learn better to never make a joke about something that could be taken seriously) Anyways, we went a few evenings later and led Suzi in thru a handicapped entrance, and while I sat in one of the theater seats, Suzi watched. Talk about one fascinated little horse! She wasn't scared, more like amazed. She was a little frightened when the munchkins and all began singing "Ding-Dong, the Witch is Dead". So, thanks to my mom, I got a recording of the song and played it Loudly near her stall. By the time we went back for rehearsals, nothing phased Suzi. Not climbing up 14 narrow concrete steps to a loading ramp behind the theater. Not having to stand quietly off stage as the play happened. Not once did she do a poop until the very last time. Then it was a small one- she acted a little embarrassed about that at least. When it came time for Suzi to go on stage, she knew it. We hitched her up to her small green cart (Remember? Oz is the Emerald City), her little hooves beating out a little tattoo on the wood floors. Finally, it was time!  "Dorothy" arrived, got into the cart and Suzi was Ready to be a star once more. We walked out on stage, and there was an "oooooooooooooo" from the audience- remarks from kids like " MOMMY!!!  A PONY!!!"  We delivered Dorothy to Oz for 2 weeks and it was over. Suzi amazed me totally- a shy small abused pony, Our Suzi was a Star.

When we all moved to Pennsylvania, Suzi continued helping kids learn to ride, but she was getting much older. Our equine dentist in Maryland said she was closer to 28 the first time she had her teeth filed, so I just added a year every January. She had a small fan club up here and had become quite mellow by now. Not so much of the grumpy, angry pony from before... she enjoyed being fussed over.

 We enjoyed fussing over her too.  One day, she wasn't feeling very good and when a pony becomes 48 years old at least, I paid close attention to her.I had our vet come out to help our Suzi but whatever we tried, it just wasn't helping her anymore. Sadly a few winters ago, our Suzi was laid to rest peacefully. I never was sure about just how old she was but I knew she had a good long life with all of us. And oh my, was our Suzi a most beloved little grey pony.

Suzi was dressed up a LOT- and is expressing her opinion about it below...

Winter's hair is so itchy when it's coming off!

Travel Safe, our dear Suzi... you are still loved and thought of

3.24.18 /Facing Reality.

"I am the voice in the wind and the pouring rain

I am the voice of your hunger and pain

I am the voice that always is calling you

I am the voice, I will remain
I am the voice in the fields when the summer's gone
The dance of the leaves when the autumn winds blow
Ne'er do I sleep throughout all the cold winter long
I am the force that in springtime will grow"

''Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal''.

The above quote is from an old Irish headstone... and yes, I still miss her. The grief comes in waves by now. I will be fine for a little while, and wham!  The fact that I'll never ever see her again hits. That never again, will I hear those soft nickers for me only. Never to laugh at some of those antics belonging to only my mare. So many memories, good and very few bad. It all seems as though life has done a total change, but it's the same. I go thru the motions: smile, laugh, but it is an act. Inside I am still falling apart from losing a best friend of 26 years. Longer than anyone in my life, but family. She and I went thru divorces, incredible sadness, pain, and yet so many wonderful things. Moving from one place to another, from one pasture to another... from one barn to another. Much the same yet totally different. We always had each other to share those good times and those awful ones. She knew all my secrets, and I knew hers, although there weren't many.

 I know one day the memories will be able to be talked about, just not right now. The tears of sadness are just behind these eyes, waiting for a reason to fall. People tell me that she's "up there'' watching over me and that it will " be alright". It seems like yesterday, although over a month since I made that awful choice, and it is as fresh as that afternoon. It's worse than losing my mom & dad so long ago, I think, sometimes.

So now what? 

I have been thinking that a memory stone would be nice... Just need to decide on kind/ size, etc... but not yet. When it rains or snows, I still want to cover her grave to keep her warm and dry. Yep- that's what horsewomen think when they have loved, truly loved a horse. We are not insane- merely overcome by the grief that losing a precious animal sends. Of course, we are good at hiding it from all others but those close to us. But on the inside? Broken... 

Even though one knows this sort of loss IS coming, I don't think we are ever prepared. Who would have thought a one-ton horse would get stuck in a stall so terribly that there was simply no way to help her get up again?  I did. In fact, I thought that she would get down one time, not being able to rise again and it would be up to me.  It was up to me to choose life or death for a friend for so very many years.

So- to all those who have loved and lost, remember I've been one of the thousands for a very long time. However, This loss has all but done me in, as I knew it would.

''I'll be fine, I've got myself, I'll heal in time
I cry but I'll make it through
And I know that the sun will shine again
Though I think of you now and then...

I'll be fine, I've got myself, I'll heal in time
And even though our story's at its end
I will think of you now and then...''

Welcome Spring

3.21.18

HA- we are in the midst of a big snow storm! I was SO ready for Spring weather too.  Sick of winter, sick of mud and now? Sick of snow- which in turn will become mud. The ground had just gotten solid enough to drive Briana. Not any moreeeeeeeeeee.

Not much has been happening here, thanks to cold weather, then 70 degree days, and then rain.
 (which in turn brings more mud-did I mention that?)  Slowly I have been cleaning tack, wiping down harnesses, and thinking of Springtime.

Briana n' I got two whole days of a mud-free ring, and now? It's covered in snow... I do believe we'll go driving in it tomorrow if it ever stops snowing.

Since Lynn got put down, life has been hard to handle. Tears all the time out of nowhere, I expect to see her in the pasture or around the barn. But I have to continuously tell myself that I'll not ever see her again. That is the most difficult part.  A dear friend of mine created a picture of her that I'll cherish forever. It's gorgeous and has really caught Lynn's expression. I feel as though a huge piece of me was buried with my wonderful horse. We were together for 26 yrs and other than family, that's the longest I have been around anyone. We went thru some awful times and then some wonderful times together. It will be hard to let it all go but I'm working on it.

The hens are doing great! I'm scared to let them stay out all day without someone being around as it is chicken stealing time for Fox. They have new families now and need to feed them as well as themselves. Now, I don't begrudge them hunting, but not at my farm. There's plenty of other critters to have as snacks and meals- so leave my girls Alone. They're beginning to leave me 2-3 eggs daily and it's great.

 There's a fun item that happens every evening by now. When my husband gets ready to take his bath/ shower each evening, it seems the biggest house cat likes to also. My hubby starts the shower running, and once he's almost ready to get in, Dexter jumps in! He'll stand there for a few seconds, and is gone.  Hahahaaaaaaaa- he doesn't want to be Soaked, but just damp. He might do that 3-4 times during a shower. Now, the younger one wants to try it too but he's not willing to get wet. Never in my life have I been around a cat such as this. I've known them to like playing in the water, but never IN a running shower.     Sheeesh.

Hope your first day of Spring has gone better than mine!