While I couldn't deal with being in the barn this morning, I Had to go up this evening. I was alright until I turned the corner and there was Lynn's grave. We decided to give her a place of 'honor'- so she is buried up near the hen's house where she liked to stand sometimes. It was warm in winter sunshine and not in the line of wind. One day when things are thawed out, I want to rake over the top and make it look a little neater...
Got into the tack room, greeted the new-ish kitty girls and braced myself to head into the barn. Lynn's stall was the first- right across from the tack room door. All of the horses heard me and whinnied in hunger. Apparently, they hadn't been fed in oh, a year or more according to them. I put their dinner in their feed tubs and lost it as I walked back to the tack room door. The marks from her leaning against the back wall, the pooh stains on the wood, and some leftover winter hair from when she was dragged out of her stall yesterday. The scuff marks her hooves left were still there also.
If any of you get tired of reading of this incredible sadness, just scroll on by. Writing is one of the ways I deal with grief- so it helps me. This grief is strong also. It's worse than when we found Abby down in the fence, worse than when I had to choose between a terrible life for Evie ( to be on meds the rest of her life, dealing w/ the pain of chronic laminitis,etc) or to let her go. Yep- losing my soulmate on 4 legs is slowly doing me in. Of course, I don't say anything here as I know Glenn is handling things as well as he can... and it won't be long till we can talk about Lynna's goofy quirks and how intelligent she was.
So, I leaned on her stall, crying like some ninny over a horse who'd been in my life while many horrible things happened and many good things as well. < sigh> Tomorrow I will be up there alone after Glenn is done helping w/ turnouts. And more tears will happen, I imagine.
Plodding along, hoping for an early Springtime- that's me. ; /
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