Thursday :(

2.8.18

  This morning, it was like I didn't quite know what to do. I didn't want to go to the barn, but I HAD to. There were the other horses to care for... so we got up there, fed breakfast, dumped water buckets, refilled, and I doled out hay for everyone. I think they *could* have gone out but I didn't want to risk it. I let BoJangles wander in the aisle for a while, and he has yet to call for Lynna. He kept an eye on what was going on Tuesday, so I think he understands his bestie is gone. Those two were great friends. At first, it was Lynna who was boss, then as she became so arthritic, Bo took over being boss. She'd give way but did it begrudgingly - she knew she couldn't move fast due to the pain.

   Bo did stand at her empty stall, looking, but nothing more. He walked to me constantly and looked for hugs- which he got a lot of. Briana was just starving!! No one else has said a thing as they all have been around long enough to understand death. I was most concerned for Bo and he seems to be handling it alright.

   I stood in snow-covered hoof prints from Lynn and tried to ground myself. I couldn't... oh well- too much grief in the way I guess.

   Not so many tears today, but I can feel them right behind my eyes waiting to be shed. Simply incredible sadness and now the questions are starting. Could we have figured out a way to have gotten her up? SOMEhow ??? She was trying to do it but was to close to the stall wall. (it is called being 'cast') As it is, she pushed three boards loose w/ pushing on them. I thought if BoJangles might be able to slide her away to the middle of the stall so she could get enough room, but he couldn't do it. I had a collar on him w/ ropes attached- no draft harness anymore. Then I didn't want to pull on her tooooo hard for fear of hurting her.

   When our vet arrived, she tried a couple of different ideas but they didn't work either. There simply wasn't a way to get her up other than somehow sliding her out thru the stall door. For what we had, the leverage was totally wrong. Each time Lynn was careful of my stepping over her head or neck.

Becky mentioned that she didn't start out like she was- against the wall. She figured Lynn had laid down and possibly rolled over. Lynn has NEVER gotten cast before- but I think Becky was right. Maybe a colic? Maybe some sort of pain that enticed Lynna to roll against that wall?

   After she was gone, and the fellow w/ the big backhoe arrived, he had the right machine and power to just slide her body out into the aisleway. Glenn said it was so simple. The bucket could move sideways. Had we had tried it when she was alive, no doubt the whole move would have damaged her terribly.

And then, she gave up trying. That's when I heard her tell me she was just tired and wanted to rest for a bit. She was sweating from the stress and the fear of not being able to use her legs to 'escape' ( fight or flight instinct) and from struggling; she was worn out. Every single time I asked her to try, she would- every time. Our vet agreed that it was time... and she went to get a tranquilizer to let her relax. After Lynna was pretty much sleeping, she gave her the final two shots. My mare left me alone in 2-3 minutes. I knew when she was gone, but our vet had to double check her big heart to be sure it had stopped. It was a little bit later the backhoe arrived... and within a short time, my mare was gone.

   My best friend in my whole life on 4 legs, my soul mate. Almost 27 years of being together...We saw it all, from peaceful grassy pastures, almost chest high snow,  hot air balloons, to trains flashing by, firecrackers, helium balloons on strollers, cars, buses, semi trucks, helicopters, jets doing flyovers, burning houses, and just about anything one can think of that would scare a horse. Just about the only thing she didn't like was water. Puddles, storm drains, the runoff in the ring, anything. She loved baths though- so go figure. I remember when we had the posts in the ring here put into the ground. No fencing, just the posts. It rained like mad the next day and when it was done, I turned Lynn n' Bo out in that pasture. Oh, My Word! You'd have thought she was going to sink to China with how she trotted up the hill. ' Ewwwwww- I am NOT stepping in those Puddles!!!!' Bo would wallow in them- we called him "Scuba Bo". But not Lynn- oh no. I never saw such terrific high action that day with her trying her best to not get her hooves or legs wet. I remember just laughing at her which in turn embarrassed her a little, but nope- just don't ask my girl to walk in the water. She'd do or go Anywhere, but not water.

  So now she's gone- I miss her antics and her love for a very long time. She took me to the top in the show ring, and thru her, I became a world champion driver and trainer. I still can't really believe that night was real but I know it was... all thanks to a tall, goofy looking, big-eared, long-legged yearling filly, that no one but our Suzi could tolerate, I fell in love with so long ago. now the tears come.

This was last March- shedding like mad. I knew she was looking "old" then but it took her 27 years to look her aged.