AWOL

10/7/2022

Yes, that would be me. Massive apologies for not keeping up with my life online. No excuses but I had to deal with things that I never thought I would have to. I don’t know how much I have allowed to be public but I had an awful time being divorced. The divorce itself was not bad, but prior to that, life was pretty terrible. I won’t go into it much but the end result is that I got the proverbial short end of the stick. Should I have fought for more of what should have been my share of the sale of the farm? I should have, I realize that now. Back then, there was no way I was mentally able to keep moving forward, let alone have enough money and the mental capacity for a big court fight. 

He took everything materially that was a huge part of me and my life and it almost crushed me. My horse business was slowly torn down, the horses that I adored eventually became old and left me, one by one. I was told that I was not to have any more horses. That when the farm was sold, “We” were going to buy a small house very close to where he grew up and my sweet Briana would be boarded somewhere. Very involved story short, I decided that I was not going to be going along with that idea and moved out. I learned much later how I had been dealing with a narcissist.

 I had to sell Briana this past Spring as I couldn’t afford to care for her the way she (and all animals) deserved to be cared for. She was sold to a pal of mine and as far as I know, Briana is fine. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and think I have to get busy and get the AM chores done. But… I have no chores to do. 

During all this time, I was also scammed. When it first started, I knew Nothing about things like this. Sure, I knew about phone scams, but men who said all the right things and made others believe their sweet words? I had No Idea. I was a horsewoman and not aware of sickos who lied and basically stole money from others. It turns out that there were women who did the same thing. To write this now is embarrassing for me. I am a smart person… not some silly woman who falls in love with someone she never met. But I did. It was the worst time in my life that I ever had to deal with and I guess I was a perfect person to steal from. Since all of this happened, I have learned that a lot of women have been scammed. It isn’t that they are little old ladies but to have one’s emotions played by a professional thief who knows what to say and do to entice these women to send money to them. 

So, the past few months and years have been incredibly difficult to get through. Did I make wise choices?  No, I didn’t. I made some amazingly stupid ones. I have been facing bad situations and have dealt with them. I have healed and I am stronger than ever. My trust level is non-existent now and it’s going to be a long time before I blindly trust anyone, especially men. In no way do I blame all men, but I sure pay attention to what they say now.  Will I ever trust enough to give my heart? Maybe so, but it’ll be a while.

So! That’s what I have been doing for the past so many months and years. I am back… maybe not the exact same woman I was before all of this began. I am wiser and more willing to call it “bullshit” when I hear it. I’m a stronger, smarter woman than I ever was before.

I promise you that I won’t be so long in between posts. Some might even be funny! 

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