11.10.2020
This one has been taking me a long time to write because for a while, it was just to raw.
On August 28th, I had to make the decision to have my wonderful American Bulldog, Sadie, put to sleep.
She'd been showing some signs of getting "old"- so I purchased her some Cosequin for dogs in hopes that would help her 11 year old joints. It just didn't do much- but then again, I know that with some animals, herbal mixes/ holistic meds don't always work.
Then she began having troubles with breathing which just got worse. I made an appointment with the vet and had a time slot for a week later. ( apparently, the gal making appointments didn't see an older dog having trouble breathing wasn't considered much of an emergency)
She was babied along and watched oh so closely during that week. The day of her appointment was the day she wasn't hungry.
She n' I arrived at the correct time and still had to wait to see the vet. It turned out to be an old friend of mine who'd taken our appointment. Sadie had been panting the whole time- and it wasn't "just stress".
We went into the room, and he checked her out, then drew some blood and came back and told me he wanted to ex-ray her chest. That there might be something going on with her heart. I consented and they took her to get it done.
The vet came out and asked me to come in as I needed to see something. There on my sweet Sadie's pix were her lungs. Normally they are clear but Sadie's were black. ( oh dear- here come the tears again)
I sensed that was a very bad thing to be seeing but I hadn't seen many pix of dog lungs. I looked at the vet and he nodded yes. Cancer.
So I decided to let her go - that she didn't need to suffer more just so I could have one more day with her. I didn't feel a need to call my husband as she was my dog... I'd call him and let him know afterwards.
She got a shot to let her drift off to being present but out of it... and then they lifted her up on the stainless steel table. That last drug was given to her and she left me very quietly. My sweet girl was more than ready to move on. There's nothing anyone can say at that point to help an owner feel easier or better. Doc just hugged me and told me that she was at peace. He had said a wonderful prayer for her as she was moving on, and I wanted to just scream out " WHY!?!?!?!?!?! WHY, God?"
When I was in the car, holding her collar and leash, I called home and delivered the bad news.
She was gone, and that was that. Not much was said at home but for telling him what had come to pass, and that was it.
I was lost- after losing SO many animals on this farm, Sadie was a blow. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to her yet, but I had to. No way will I ever allow an animal to suffer for my greediness for another day, or couple of days. She was ready, and couldn't let me know how sick she had gotten. Talk about feeling guilty over not seeing her feeling so awful. Sadie was always so stoic and kind. Like Petey, she did her best to keep me smiling and loving her.
'Sadie- I did love you and am so horribly sad that I didn't notice when you tried to tell me you'd gotten so sick. I'll miss you for a very long time, and always remember how silly you were and how kind you were to all animals.'
She was such a smart girl- and learned easily. Even things I didn't want her to learn
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