It's Not "All That"

6/27.2018

A few days ago, I wrote a short post on social media about owning/ running/ managing a farm. Reminded by another person who'd written of her trials and tribulations, I thought about it a little more.

It is  "romantic" to own one's own farm- especially a horse farm. That seems to be every horse person's dream... to own their own pastures and a barn to keep their horses in. A place big enough to keep one's horse in one's own backyard. Yep- it sure is great. I have been fortunate enough to do this for a lifetime.

The first little place was 5 miles or so from my hometown. It was built on my parent's land...and was maybe 2-3 acres of woods and cleared land.  My husband (now ex) and I worked like mad to build a little house for us, then a barn for my horses. A three-stall row barn for my Appaloosas, tack room and a place for hay/ bedding. A small turnout area I also used as a ring. It worked great! Up every morning at 7 or earlier in summer, trained my horses, cleaned their stalls, groomed, and towards 4 or so, taught students to ride. Eventually, it became a training barn with clients sending their worst ruined horses to be "fixed". I loved it and did pretty well. It wasn't long before I was showing at national levels w/ my personal horses, hauling trailers w/ students and horses to shows. Again, it was VERY small in land amounts, and very ummmmmm. rustic. It was Hard work too but not as hard as my future would become.

The second farm was much bigger. I covered all of the finances for this new pole barn and we worked our behinds off to get the stalls built. This one was almost 20 acres, with a 10 stall barn. Again- I loved the new farm. More hard work, and longer hours as I wanted to make it support itself. Many students now, and Percheron horses  Bigger horses meant more hay, feed, more money going out for care, etc. I kept a few riding horses for lessons also. I was showing the drafters and teaching all types of folks to become better horse people.  Again, I loved it. Many more stalls to clean, more hay to load into haylofts, more feed bags to dump into bins, up before dawn on some days and getting done by dark-thirty on some days too. Long hard, heavy hours in the intense heat and then freezing cold. Owning horses IS a  24/7  life and it was pretty much just me doing it. Occasionally there was a helper and oh boy, was it welcomed. The husband was supportive and helped when he could, but it was my choice to be living a life with horses.

During that time, I also worked and subsequently managed other barns. Some show barns, some breeding farm barns, and one or two training barns. I'd get home to my place and have to get those stalls cleaned, etc. and in time for the 4 o'clock rush of riding students arriving. During the summers, it was full-time students, driving, showing and summer pony camps. Again- up sometimes before dawn, and finishing in time to see the sunset. At shows, even longer days...  WHEW! One time someone told me that the reason I worked so much was that I liked the money. Yep- the money was great, but I also loved what I was doing! There's a big difference.

That was when my back began falling apart. It hurt all of the time, and there was one time when I simply couldn't get things done thanks to incredibly horrid spasms and pain. One keeps going though, doesn't one? I did and injured my back more and more... falls, heavy lifting of feed bags, and heavy hay bales. Heck, one expects a little pain when one has done this all of one's life, right?

Move forward to Pennsylvania and this farm. By the time I was ready to leave Maryland, I was also ready to downsize a LOT. Instead, I ended up with a much bigger barn, more stalls, and a little more acreage for pastures... Of course, any horse person knows that if you have a big barn, it simply MUST be filled with horses, right?  Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaa- so, eventually all of the stalls here were filled with happy, hungry ( and pooping- in one end, out the other ;) ) horses. Riding students, just a few driving students, a few clients sending their horses for training, and me traveling to other's small farms to train too. By this time I'm in my 50's and reaaaaally wanting to slow down. Constant back pain by now, joints that felt like they needed to be "oiled" some days, and still I had to trek to the barn to feed, do stalls daily. That's when I began having hip pain. Ugh- and it just got worse and worse... It got to the point of being unbearable over the two years I just dealt with it. I was no longer riding, thanks to a bad wreck back when I was in my mid 20's and damaged my knee. That had become arthritic and was my "weather predictor" by the time I was 35. Still, it was 24/7 work- no vacations as many folks had, and if a horse was sick, guess where I was?  Yep- at the barn.

Finally, I was forced to get a total hip replacement and realize that folks I had trusted as friends expected me to be joyous and happy all of the time... Even when dealing with hip pain to the point of my hiding in the bathroom and crying. The over the counter pain pills did nothing to help, and I knew it was time to get something done. Those "friends" didn't deal with me being grumpy before my surgery- and some left my barn when I needed them the most. Thank the gods for a few who understood and stayed to help. Of course, I was grumpy- almost crippling pain, the frustration of feeling like someone who's been handicapped physically and being forced to realize that it was now the time I HAD to stop working like a mad woman for her horses. Forced march... and I hated it.

After the hip replacement (ended up a total job because I'd quite simply worn it out! Bone on bone, arthritis all thru it and now I was faced w/ learning to walk correctly again), I had to let everything heal, and once off those wicked pain drugs, it was discouraging and frustrating to me.... Eventually, things DID heal and there's no pain ( hahaaa- because it's all steel) in my hip. My back has crunched to the point where I'm 2" shorter and it still aches so badly.  Back surgery is in my future, but not just now. There are way too many things I want to do, and having rods in my lower back doesn't come into the equation of life for me.

So all in all, if you still wistfully dream of owning your own farm for your animals, remember it is a LOT of work. Actually, I think caring for them is more work than having fun riding or whatever you do with your horse. (s)  You have to get up earlier so your animals are fed and cared for before you leave for work. You have to schedule all of the many things needed from others for horse care. Farriers, veterinarians, equine dentists and who knows when an emergency will happen. No, wait- those happen when it's a holiday weekend coming up, or a planned time away from the barn, a get together with family, a date, just about anything important to you. It never seems to fail either. There are financial items needed to be paid monthly- feed, electric, fence repair and more. This is all before having time to ride off into the sunset on your horse, or gallop gaily across a field.

The work is strenuous, haybales keep getting heavier, as do those feed bags and water buckets. Freezing cold winter weather creates all sorts of troubles one hardly thinks of when just living in a house... Frozen water buckets, frozen water lines, ice in pastures, horses that want to do "horse things" but end up getting into some sort of trouble and the list goes on.  During Summer, it's the heat and humidity (if you live in that type of climate as I do), bugs, flies, and more. I go to the barn now (and forever) knowing I am going to end up being soaked in sweat, covered in dirt of some kind or another and " stinkin' to high-heaven' !!

If you board? Oh my- when there is a blizzard in the making, I imagine it'd be nice to be able to sleep in or watching the snowfall. Knowing that those running/owning that boarding barn will care for your horse (at least I HOPE they are!!)   But!   If you have your horse in your backyard- guess where you 'll be during a blizzard?  In the barn- caring for that horse. Shoveling that snow or plowing a path to just get to the barn is a feat in its self.  Then getting your horse out to its pasture, where it will play for a few, do some poops, and then want to come in. (Some normal horses don't mind being outside in the snow, but there are those.........hehehee)

The rewards are wonderful though. Walking into my barn either seeing the summer horses out in their pastures or those in their stalls, welcoming me in the mornings or saying good night to them after evening chores are done is my life and has been since I was 12 years old. Sure it's damned hard work and it is constant but the memories I have are from a lifetime of being with horses. They have taught me so much and even though I've cried my heart out over losing each old horse, I don't think I'd change a thing. There have been times when I just wanted to be like a "city woman" for a week and enjoy life without needing to head to the barn to feed or care for a sick horse, 

but all in all, I wonder "what would I DO???"  <grins here>

'We Gots New Babies!'

For quite a few months, I debated about having more chickens here on the farm but chose not to. Why?  Because now that my soul mate is gone, that leaves me with two horses of my own. I've not been down to TWO horses for I don't know how long! When I first moved to this area, there were six. Granted, one was a pony and the other a foal, but there they were.  At one point, this barn was full, and it quickly became a LOT of work for one person ( Me & occasional helpers).  Happily, I own just the two now- and I am liking it fine. Of course, there are boarders here, but so long as I keep an eye on them ( And I DO)- and care for them, my main concerns are my two beasties. Much less feed to order, same w/ the hay for winter, and keeping track of a few horses is a breeze now.

The weather once is stopped Raininggggggg, got very pleasant, so I began letting horses spend a lot more time outdoors. Like 24/7. I had NO complaints from any of them.  Fly spray, water, breakfast n' dinner- and in between?  Grazin in the grass.  Even those who had been pampered and figured that here, life should be the same loved being out.

 But I digress. Once I am down to just one equine, this farm will be sold and we'll be downsizing. That is the main reason for not getting chickens. Well, that and the fact that they were being killed at a helluva high rate. Spring is horrid for predators stealing into chicken coops at night and having a grand time killing my girls. Each time it happens, I feel so sad for them. Not that they died so much but HOW.  What a horrid, horrid way to die.

 Thanks to my 'window shopping' on the local Craigs' List, I noticed an ad for Orpingtons. Not just the average chicken but LAVENDER Orps!!!  Those are absolutely my most favorite chicken breed. Firstly, I adore the Fat Farm Hen breeds, and Orpingtons are FFHens. They are so friendly and peaceful- even the black crosses I have are sweet and friendly. Lastly, there's a decent market for selling any I might have for sale. The breeder made me a deal I couldn't ignore and 7 "Littles" came home with me.

 First, they were spooked being in a different place with different smells and sounds, but it didn't take long for them to learn that good things came thru that stall door. Two mornings later, I had 7 little gate greeters there to meet me. I brought FOOD for them :). When I had time, I'd sit with them as they had breakfast or dinner. Soon, curiosity got the best of them, and I was surrounded by teenage chicks. There seem to be 3 cockerels ( roosters) and 4 hens- but I am never SURE till crowing begins. Stay tuned on that.

Here are some pics of them, taken yesterday I think...

                                            Apparently, they liked my shoe and snuggled up...

                                           

                                          Some have names- The one below is Princess,
                                    because she acts as though she should be treated as such.

                                           I believe the handsome guy below is a Cockerel...
                                               and his name is "Sam"

                 

                                         Below, one of the other possible roosters sparring
                                           with Sam.

                                                         
                                                              My "Gate Greeters!"

                                     
                                      Then there were four of them snuggled beside my foot...

I love chickens almost as much as my horses. They all have distinct personalitlies, are pretty smart for "eraser brains''. and they give us fresh, delicious eggs to boot. They eat bugs, and scratch the manure piles so I don't have to spread them, and they are good company when I'm at the barn all alone.

Between the new barn kitty girls, the chickens, and the horses, we all make a strange group!

From World Champions to Rescue

Lately, I've been pondering this whole 'horse' thing. On one of the popular social networks, there are comments, sales; anything from horses winning at A rated shows to those horses on their way to be slaughtered. Not much stands in between a horse winning a huge race, then a few years later getting slaughtered. Foreign countries don't seem to care how wonderful the horses' life and what he/she did for the humans who owned it- and apparently, the USA has many who don't care either. I'm more than sure all of you understand the 'slaughter' issue, so I'm not going to get into it. Nor am I going to delve much into the horse rescue part of it all.

Basically, it is all a way to make money. Either on the side of shipping a big load of purchased horses to either Mexico or Canada to be killed for their meat, OR to "rescue" those horses in the name of saving a life. How many have seen those posters about how saving one horse might not mean much but to that one horse it's the world ( or something similar)?  I have and it does tear at the heartstrings for those who truly love them. I have owned rescued horses, and have saved a few myself way back when. I stopped when I realized I was putting my hard earned money into someone else's' pocket for the sake of 'saving'. They'll just go buy another horse to take its place. These so-called kill buyers who actually head out weekly to the auctions, buy sad looking horses, ship them to their place, slap a "rescue" addition to their logo and make a killing financially. ( no pun intended) Whatever doesn't sell, is then shipped on to be sold again at some auction or to be killed for meat. They bump up the fees for this n' that- and again, make a bunch on each horse for very little effort. Of course, these horses WILL and do get sick from all sorts of diseases and germs at those auction houses. (and at the "kill buyers'' farms). Expect it- they are going to be dreadfully sick. "Shipping Fever", Strep- Equi, or whatever upper respiratory infection they come in contact with. If I got a 'rescue' in, it was immediately started on antibiotics. Very few got really sick thanks to my doing this.  Then there are those folk who'll "pull" a  horse from a sale, and ask others to help "save" the horse. Big bucks if it's done right.

So do I still do this?  No.  Not wanting to put my personal horses at risk nor having a barn that has germs or whatever on the stall walls, or in the pastures- there's no way another 'auction horse' is coming here. Which brings me to another point- the Quarantine Barns.  These are horse farms or just barns whose owners see another way to make money from this whole business. They tell those who want to rescue horse that 'sure, they'll keep said horse, feed it, care for it when it's sick (at the owners' cost- nothing is free) and hopefully when the horse leaves after 30 days quarantine, it will be literally healthy as a horse! Now, these kinds of well-meaning people charge anywhere from $12.00 - $18.00 a DAY for caring for your horse. That's not a bad deal for keeping a horse in a small pen or stall for a month! You do the math... x 30 days. There are some farms who do a splendid job of horse care and whatever veterinary care needed. Those horses DO become healthy and are much happier when they leave. There are also those who don't feed the quarantined horses enough (usually they arrive thin and needing a lot of love/ good knowledgeable care- after all, many have been thrown away by former owners). They let horses owned by others get injured, wounded, or even more sick than when they first arrived. This kind of thing makes me cringe. Again- they'll tug those heartstrings big time.

From all of that to those who don't get into rescuing horses but choose to actually purchase well trained, well cared for, loved animals for a lot more money - I commend you. The end result is usually a very happy ending. I have chosen to do it that way as opposed to buying someone elses' problems. At my farms, I've owned the horses are able to be horses  ( turnouts, etc)whether they're $30K worth of show horse or a mere "lesson" pony. They all get the same care and love. Their jobs are just a little different. Even though I have dabbled in the rescue routine and have gained a lot of knowledge about how it all goes, here? No more 'rescues' as they always come with some sort of problem. Whether it be a physical one or a mental one- there's always a reason. (I spoke to a woman years ago who was selling her daughter's show pony because she and her husband were getting divorced- now THAT pony would have been a wonderful purchase for someone)  People nowadays lie; tell you anything they think you want to hear to unload an equine they have for sale and it's worse at the sales. So, take what one is told with the proverbial grain of salt, because most times? It's a lie.

I owned a World Champion mare for 27 or so years, (and many Nationally shown horses as well) and know what it takes to create a horse of that caliber- and have had cheaper animals which simply weren't going to be what I wanted. In the long run, it's wiser to save those hard-earned pennies and buy a horse that will truly become a partner or best friend. One who has a history and when you hear it can be confident it's the truth. ( the fact that even those selling a well-priced horse will give you a run around is another post.. :) )  Horses who come with the correct registration papers, and have been cared for properly. Granted, a smart person will learn the " I wanna sell ya this horse'' lingo and be able to read between those lines but generally speaking, the horses are worth what one pays. I'm talking a horse selling for over $5 grand- not the $500.00 horses. There Are those wonderful tales of folks who buy a cheap horse at a sale and it goes right to the top in shows, but those are the things stories are made of.

I guess basically what I've been thinking of is whether it is worth it to take a chance on a horse who hasn't a history but is 'cheap' or a quality horse who is worth every penny paid for it. Personally ? I'll spend the money and create another world champion.

Horse Tails

4.28.18

''Dixie & the Piper''

I owned a glorious black Percheron mare named Lullaby Dixie a few years ago. I bought her at the Great Circus Parade held in Milwaukee, WI. She was "short" so far as Percheron mares went at 17.1 hands tall, but her personality made up for it. She was a SHOW MARE for certain. It took us a while to get together on what was expected in a show ring, but eventually, Dixie discovered how to relax. It was good. She & I took home so many blue ribbons  ( first place) at shows and we had such a great time competing!

When I lived in Maryland, my husband and I had been offering our  Vis-a-Vis carriage for weddings. Oh, it was a beauty, even if it was used when we bought it. Below is Lynn, but the same carriage.

So, when I moved here to central Pa, it just made sense to offer the carriage and a horse for all kinds of fun things. We did weddings, Fall Festivals, proposals, town tours, parades and a ton more. I loved it.  

There was one wedding though I wished I'd never booked... It was for one of the Dupont family of Delaware and was held in Maryland. I chose to use Dixie because she Loved being in what she thought was a parade. She'd prance along, thinking she was top dawg. This time, we had an escort of two police cars ( thus- the 'parade') to help keep us from being hit by idiots in cars or trucks. It worked well, and we ALL could enjoy the day.  I drove and Dixie danced all of the way to where we were to pick up the Bride. We were to pick her up, along with her mother, I believe, and drive them to their wedding. Wait, and then drop the Bride & Groom off to their wedding reception.  Easy enough for me and it was more money towards the winter hay fund.

All three of us- the now "ex", Dixie and myself- waited patiently and quietly for the Bride to get finished dressing, etc. There was a screeching sound behind us, which scared the bee-jeesus out of all of us!  Dixie's head shot up, ears pointing backward, I turned around on the box seat, and the Ex looked up too.  

What in the heck was being killed !?!?!

Then I saw what it was. It was a fellow in kilts holding a bagpipe. Oh wow, what a noise it was when it was being tuned up! Well, let me tell you- neither Dixie nor myself expected that. I had no clue if Dixie had ever been exposed to bagpipes but I know she hadn't during our time together. The Piper came walking down the grass over some rocks and continued playing. My mare was about to explode in being calm. I  think her head was up in the air a good 12', trying to figure out that noise. After getting her under control, we asked the Piper to walk in front of her so she could see and hear what it was. He was very nice and did so. Nope- that made matters worse. Dixie wanted to just leave the whole area with or without that Bride. Luckily, no one inside the little cabin noticed what was happening outside that little cabin. The Piper stopped playing and Dixie calmed down, and it wasn't long before we were on our way- FAR away from the horrid screeching man carrying funny looking sticks.

We danced our way down the lane to where the wedding was, dropped off the Bride and her mom, waited for the ceremony to be over, and picked up the newlyweds. We then drove along the bottom of a Huge field, sans Piper. It was a wonderful wedding drive. Plenty of time to relax and prepare for their reception.

Upon arrival at the house, there was most assuredly a lot of noise. It seems the Brides' mom had hired a Mariachi band to welcome the newlyweds to the reception. So much noise- I thought for sure after that dreaded Piper, that Dixie was going to lose it. She did not.  My amazing black mare bounced her way down the circular drive to the big house, stopped and stood quietly. Ha- that band marched around us as the couple got out, and I, for one,

 was glad we never did see that bagpiper again.

SPRING!!!!!

4.28.18

Finally, it has arrived. After April showers AND Snow. After mud on top of mud, on top of more rain- Spring has blessed our farm with singing birds, grass growing, flowers blooming and tee-shirt weather.  YAY!!!

For the past 2 weeks, I've been sick as can be. A very nasty cold found me and moved in. Sometimes I believe it's here to stay. Coughing like mad, stuffy nose and head; generally ugly stuff. My ear is STILL stopped up and if it's not open by Monday, a call to my GP will happen. The last time this happened, I ended up w/ bronchitis and an infection in my ear.  Today I am a little better though, thank goodness.

The husband is at an auction today, and I'm having some 'down time'. Enjoyed the morning in the barn with my horses and getting chores accomplished. Sure wish I felt better because there are so many things that need to be done around here. Perhaps next week...

 I love this time of the year. Still cool enough to not be bothered with sweat running in one's eyes and down one's back, but no snow.  ;)  In the plans are to get the flower gardens re-discovered under the leaves, spread out the wildflower seeds I bought and get my baby trees planted where I won't mow over them! This is all around keeping track of horses too. Plus keeping up with the mowing of weeds,etc.  I'll try to remember to snap some pics as it all gets done.

Sadly, I decided to not attend the antique carriage auction this spring. It's today and I just don't have the energy. So- I Will attend the one held in the Fall. Such gorgeous carriages and appointments for sale. Vendors offering lots of various items for sale - plus the always yummy food at the restaurant there.  Simply bad timing on being sick, darn it all.

Wow, BoJangles is not heading towards bad diseases as I thought. He began shedding out that awful winter coat and is all but finished. I like it!  He may be older but he's, well, healthy as a horse. Briana has been shedding like mad too- her summer coat is coming in and the shaggy winter stuff is wanting to come off.  There are small black mud angels where she has rolled. Bo leaves giant white mud angels when he rolls. I love seeing them.

What a joy it is to not have a barn full of horses!  Granted the money is wonderful, but back when I did have a barn full, two or three of those horses were bringing in no money. The amount of horses now is great. Easy to care for, easier on the pastures, and easier on the checkbook too. Ever since Lynna was put down, it's been tough but life is getting better by now.

It seems I've got a bit more grass to get mowed, so I better get moving, don't ya think? Have a wonderful weekend!

Horse Tails

3.25.18

Once upon a time, there was a small grey pony...

Sadly I didn't get to meet "Suzi" until she was in her late teens. Of course, the dealer at the sale told me that the pony was only '12'. I learned long ago to take whatever I was told about a horse with the proverbial grain of salt.  Once again, it was a smart thing to do.

Suzi had no name when we first met. A friend n' I had gone to a PA auction sale known for it's sickly, thin or abused horses. Not one pony was what I wanted. We were thinking of going home when there was one more horse to sell we stayed. Into the ring comes (begrudgingly, mind you) a small flea-bitten grey pony. She was small- not at all what I had wanted to use for riding lessons.

At any rate, my hand went up enough that she was mine. ( After my friend grabbed my arm saying " THERE's your PONY!!")  I called my husband, telling him to bring the truck/trailer - that I'd bought a "draft horse". When he arrived, boy was he surprised! Just a small pony with a 'standy- up' kind of forelock and a mighty grumpy face. She arrived at our barn and made it thru her quarantine, showing she was healthy enough.

The students & I discussed a name for her, and they all decided on SUZI. "Suzi" she became. Then a few months later, one of them said that brushing her during shedding season was like dealing with a 'summer storm'. That became her official name... in case she went to shows or needed a full name.

Suzi proceeded to bite just about everyone in the barn at one time or another. Even the husband then got nailed. Thank goodness it was late winter and we all wore heavy clothing. Very quickly I decided that I would be doing most of the handling of Suzi as I didn't want anyone injured by a very fast moving pony face. It turned out that Suzi was a driving pony who also had been ridden. She had two speeds-  FAST or stop. I don't know how many kids fell off her during lessons, but there were many. Eventually, she taught them to pay close attention to what she was doing, or get dumped.  The first time one of them didn't fall off,instead jumping off, landing on her feet, throwing her arms in the air like an Olympic star would have.  Suzi stood there staring at her in amazement.

All of the kids loved this rotten little grey pony- I guess maybe they could see the good in her. That fact that she'd been abused before she moved here made them be more understanding of her. One time, I allowed a little girl to head out to "catch" Suzi for her lesson. She came walking back to the barn, rubbing her arm, telling me that Suzi said: " NO RIDING today!!!" I asked her if she'd been hurt
(re- the arm) and she denied it totally. "Oh no, Miss Kris, I just bumped it- Suzi never tried to bite"... Yeah, right. There were not many people I'd allow to do that, and the little gal was one. After that, it was just me.

One time, a student's mom had come to see her daughter, and Suzi was loose, grazing in the yard. She walked by talking to Suzi in a kind, friendly voice. Ha- I mentioned to her that she may want to come to the barn instead, and she did.  But-  on their way out of the barn area, Mom decided that Suzi was a sweet looking little pony and needed a pat. She got maybe 20' away from that pony when Suzi flattened her ears and took a few menacing steps toward Mom. Her daughter told her
" See, Mom?  NEVER be nice to that pony!"
We all had a chuckle over that.

We took her to small horse shows, she put up with being decorated for Halloween, and bathed and groomed, and led All over the neighborhood to visit. Many many children learned how to ride on Our Suzi. They all adored her to some extent and Suzi learned that being loved and fussed over was a good thing. Much better than being worked to the point of exhaustion and then being hit which had been her life prior.

My mother was helping with a local theatre group one Spring- they were going to perform " The Wizard of Oz" and I jokingly told her on one visit, that they needed a grey/ white pony to be the Horse of a Different Color.  She took me seriously, and a few days later, she asked if I could please bring Suzi to the theater. ( I should learn better to never make a joke about something that could be taken seriously) Anyways, we went a few evenings later and led Suzi in thru a handicapped entrance, and while I sat in one of the theater seats, Suzi watched. Talk about one fascinated little horse! She wasn't scared, more like amazed. She was a little frightened when the munchkins and all began singing "Ding-Dong, the Witch is Dead". So, thanks to my mom, I got a recording of the song and played it Loudly near her stall. By the time we went back for rehearsals, nothing phased Suzi. Not climbing up 14 narrow concrete steps to a loading ramp behind the theater. Not having to stand quietly off stage as the play happened. Not once did she do a poop until the very last time. Then it was a small one- she acted a little embarrassed about that at least. When it came time for Suzi to go on stage, she knew it. We hitched her up to her small green cart (Remember? Oz is the Emerald City), her little hooves beating out a little tattoo on the wood floors. Finally, it was time!  "Dorothy" arrived, got into the cart and Suzi was Ready to be a star once more. We walked out on stage, and there was an "oooooooooooooo" from the audience- remarks from kids like " MOMMY!!!  A PONY!!!"  We delivered Dorothy to Oz for 2 weeks and it was over. Suzi amazed me totally- a shy small abused pony, Our Suzi was a Star.

When we all moved to Pennsylvania, Suzi continued helping kids learn to ride, but she was getting much older. Our equine dentist in Maryland said she was closer to 28 the first time she had her teeth filed, so I just added a year every January. She had a small fan club up here and had become quite mellow by now. Not so much of the grumpy, angry pony from before... she enjoyed being fussed over.

 We enjoyed fussing over her too.  One day, she wasn't feeling very good and when a pony becomes 48 years old at least, I paid close attention to her.I had our vet come out to help our Suzi but whatever we tried, it just wasn't helping her anymore. Sadly a few winters ago, our Suzi was laid to rest peacefully. I never was sure about just how old she was but I knew she had a good long life with all of us. And oh my, was our Suzi a most beloved little grey pony.

Suzi was dressed up a LOT- and is expressing her opinion about it below...

Winter's hair is so itchy when it's coming off!

Travel Safe, our dear Suzi... you are still loved and thought of

3.24.18 /Facing Reality.

"I am the voice in the wind and the pouring rain

I am the voice of your hunger and pain

I am the voice that always is calling you

I am the voice, I will remain
I am the voice in the fields when the summer's gone
The dance of the leaves when the autumn winds blow
Ne'er do I sleep throughout all the cold winter long
I am the force that in springtime will grow"

''Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal''.

The above quote is from an old Irish headstone... and yes, I still miss her. The grief comes in waves by now. I will be fine for a little while, and wham!  The fact that I'll never ever see her again hits. That never again, will I hear those soft nickers for me only. Never to laugh at some of those antics belonging to only my mare. So many memories, good and very few bad. It all seems as though life has done a total change, but it's the same. I go thru the motions: smile, laugh, but it is an act. Inside I am still falling apart from losing a best friend of 26 years. Longer than anyone in my life, but family. She and I went thru divorces, incredible sadness, pain, and yet so many wonderful things. Moving from one place to another, from one pasture to another... from one barn to another. Much the same yet totally different. We always had each other to share those good times and those awful ones. She knew all my secrets, and I knew hers, although there weren't many.

 I know one day the memories will be able to be talked about, just not right now. The tears of sadness are just behind these eyes, waiting for a reason to fall. People tell me that she's "up there'' watching over me and that it will " be alright". It seems like yesterday, although over a month since I made that awful choice, and it is as fresh as that afternoon. It's worse than losing my mom & dad so long ago, I think, sometimes.

So now what? 

I have been thinking that a memory stone would be nice... Just need to decide on kind/ size, etc... but not yet. When it rains or snows, I still want to cover her grave to keep her warm and dry. Yep- that's what horsewomen think when they have loved, truly loved a horse. We are not insane- merely overcome by the grief that losing a precious animal sends. Of course, we are good at hiding it from all others but those close to us. But on the inside? Broken... 

Even though one knows this sort of loss IS coming, I don't think we are ever prepared. Who would have thought a one-ton horse would get stuck in a stall so terribly that there was simply no way to help her get up again?  I did. In fact, I thought that she would get down one time, not being able to rise again and it would be up to me.  It was up to me to choose life or death for a friend for so very many years.

So- to all those who have loved and lost, remember I've been one of the thousands for a very long time. However, This loss has all but done me in, as I knew it would.

''I'll be fine, I've got myself, I'll heal in time
I cry but I'll make it through
And I know that the sun will shine again
Though I think of you now and then...

I'll be fine, I've got myself, I'll heal in time
And even though our story's at its end
I will think of you now and then...''

Welcome Spring

3.21.18

HA- we are in the midst of a big snow storm! I was SO ready for Spring weather too.  Sick of winter, sick of mud and now? Sick of snow- which in turn will become mud. The ground had just gotten solid enough to drive Briana. Not any moreeeeeeeeeee.

Not much has been happening here, thanks to cold weather, then 70 degree days, and then rain.
 (which in turn brings more mud-did I mention that?)  Slowly I have been cleaning tack, wiping down harnesses, and thinking of Springtime.

Briana n' I got two whole days of a mud-free ring, and now? It's covered in snow... I do believe we'll go driving in it tomorrow if it ever stops snowing.

Since Lynn got put down, life has been hard to handle. Tears all the time out of nowhere, I expect to see her in the pasture or around the barn. But I have to continuously tell myself that I'll not ever see her again. That is the most difficult part.  A dear friend of mine created a picture of her that I'll cherish forever. It's gorgeous and has really caught Lynn's expression. I feel as though a huge piece of me was buried with my wonderful horse. We were together for 26 yrs and other than family, that's the longest I have been around anyone. We went thru some awful times and then some wonderful times together. It will be hard to let it all go but I'm working on it.

The hens are doing great! I'm scared to let them stay out all day without someone being around as it is chicken stealing time for Fox. They have new families now and need to feed them as well as themselves. Now, I don't begrudge them hunting, but not at my farm. There's plenty of other critters to have as snacks and meals- so leave my girls Alone. They're beginning to leave me 2-3 eggs daily and it's great.

 There's a fun item that happens every evening by now. When my husband gets ready to take his bath/ shower each evening, it seems the biggest house cat likes to also. My hubby starts the shower running, and once he's almost ready to get in, Dexter jumps in! He'll stand there for a few seconds, and is gone.  Hahahaaaaaaaa- he doesn't want to be Soaked, but just damp. He might do that 3-4 times during a shower. Now, the younger one wants to try it too but he's not willing to get wet. Never in my life have I been around a cat such as this. I've known them to like playing in the water, but never IN a running shower.     Sheeesh.

Hope your first day of Spring has gone better than mine!

Come on Spring!

2.25.18

    This morning was for grooming filthy horses x 3. Luckily, I can just about take Sunday mornings off, but today, I couldn't stand knowing my horses were crud-balls.

    So- trudging up the hill to the barn, I thought I'd begin from the 'top' and work down. Many thank yous to Julia Suter who puts up w/ me as I deal with losing Lynn. It's been a bad week for that, and I am still feeling lost. She was my 'go-to' horse, and now she's gone. No more sitting in her stall, discussing things, no more wonderful hugs from her, no more anything. I am a big void at this point. There are few tears left and they'll still flow a little. Now it feels as though a big piece of my heart is missing, but I know it is my mind that's never going to be able to fill the 'hole' in again.
The last time this happened was when I'd lost Dixie. Carlene filled that giant void so well. She Needed me to get to the barn and help her get better. Now? Nothing but a dear little black pony and my sweet BoJangles. They're really doing fine- thank the lords. < sigh> I guess I am alone in dealing with it all. There are so many other horse folks who've lost horses so very near and dear to their hearts/ minds as I have in the not so distant past. But to lose the closest friend I've had - wow. The nasty rainy weather has created mud like I've not dealt with in a while- at least not for so long. This doesn't help much either. I think having something that needs special care would help, but do I really want to get into that again? I don't know... this is just so hard.

     BoJangles finally dried off enough for me to scrape his mud off today. Yesterday, he was wet and sticky. Talk about a giant guy who adores attention! Whew. He constantly reminds me of why I adore the Percheron breed so much. All of the draft breeds. Even the little stinker, Briana. She is a constant in being a goofball. Bo got brushed and is shedding winter coat like it's going out of style. It's rewarding to groom this time of the year. The mud comes off w/ the hair- yay! It wasn't long til I found the huge white dude under it all. His eye ( injury from a good while ago) was weepy and sore, so I cleaned it up and added some medicine. He's so kind about this. I'd already clipped his head up some and he looks oh so handsome for one so old. :)
     My little squirrely girly was next. I swear she hasn't a patient bone in her body. I had the A-5 clippers and hadn't even started them but she was acting like she'd not EVER seen them before. Now- I know she has as she was clipped last Fall. Ha- short memory in this short horse. So I began all over again, and could tell the instant she realized what was going on. Duh. It wasn't long before her head and neck relaxed and she was enjoying it all. Hahaha- I like clipping ponies! No 5-gallon buckets needed to reach their bridle paths. She looked so much prettier and loved getting a handful of hay for being a good girl. Curried the mud from her legs n' tummy and combed out her tail, mane n' forelock. Such a pretty pony! Til tomorrow I guess- unless a miracle happens and someone dries out this farm.
     It was Eli's turn. He's SO scared of people. He bullies Briana like mad but people? Ha- noooooooooooo way. My mission for this Spring is to get him dragging tires, etc. There's not a cart small enough to hitch but I have been looking at the pony-sized shafts on the one. I wonder......................... Got out the little clippers and Oh My! Eli didn't see them as a really good idea at all; little Appy eyes bugging out, head bobbing as he always thinks someone is going to twitch his little nose. Again- so so scared. Patience won out, and he saw very fast that it was just a haircut and not a leg being removed after all. I adore his fuzzy, frizzy forelock! Omgosh, it almost stands up straight, it's so fuzzy. He lost his mohawk bridle path and some of those long jaw hairs so he looks more presentable. Eli had rolled yesterday and hadn't gotten TOOOO horrid but still- he got a good brushing. Tonight, hooves will need to be cleaned- my back hurt too much for bending over this AM. 
    Julia groomed her two geldings too after I was done. Everyone is looking much nicer- but for one mare. Her Mom needs to spend time getting her neatened up some. I'd run out of energy- hahaaa. 
I sure wish the wet soggy ground would stop. The fields look like a series of deep holes left by hooves- big n' small. Since we had two whole days of sunshine, they are greening up ever so slightly. It is depressing to have to wallow about in ankle deep muck and to deal with mud and standing water. I imagine the ground is so saturated, there's no where for it to soak into. 
Again- I am impatiently waiting for Spring!

Thursday :(

2.8.18

  This morning, it was like I didn't quite know what to do. I didn't want to go to the barn, but I HAD to. There were the other horses to care for... so we got up there, fed breakfast, dumped water buckets, refilled, and I doled out hay for everyone. I think they *could* have gone out but I didn't want to risk it. I let BoJangles wander in the aisle for a while, and he has yet to call for Lynna. He kept an eye on what was going on Tuesday, so I think he understands his bestie is gone. Those two were great friends. At first, it was Lynna who was boss, then as she became so arthritic, Bo took over being boss. She'd give way but did it begrudgingly - she knew she couldn't move fast due to the pain.

   Bo did stand at her empty stall, looking, but nothing more. He walked to me constantly and looked for hugs- which he got a lot of. Briana was just starving!! No one else has said a thing as they all have been around long enough to understand death. I was most concerned for Bo and he seems to be handling it alright.

   I stood in snow-covered hoof prints from Lynn and tried to ground myself. I couldn't... oh well- too much grief in the way I guess.

   Not so many tears today, but I can feel them right behind my eyes waiting to be shed. Simply incredible sadness and now the questions are starting. Could we have figured out a way to have gotten her up? SOMEhow ??? She was trying to do it but was to close to the stall wall. (it is called being 'cast') As it is, she pushed three boards loose w/ pushing on them. I thought if BoJangles might be able to slide her away to the middle of the stall so she could get enough room, but he couldn't do it. I had a collar on him w/ ropes attached- no draft harness anymore. Then I didn't want to pull on her tooooo hard for fear of hurting her.

   When our vet arrived, she tried a couple of different ideas but they didn't work either. There simply wasn't a way to get her up other than somehow sliding her out thru the stall door. For what we had, the leverage was totally wrong. Each time Lynn was careful of my stepping over her head or neck.

Becky mentioned that she didn't start out like she was- against the wall. She figured Lynn had laid down and possibly rolled over. Lynn has NEVER gotten cast before- but I think Becky was right. Maybe a colic? Maybe some sort of pain that enticed Lynna to roll against that wall?

   After she was gone, and the fellow w/ the big backhoe arrived, he had the right machine and power to just slide her body out into the aisleway. Glenn said it was so simple. The bucket could move sideways. Had we had tried it when she was alive, no doubt the whole move would have damaged her terribly.

And then, she gave up trying. That's when I heard her tell me she was just tired and wanted to rest for a bit. She was sweating from the stress and the fear of not being able to use her legs to 'escape' ( fight or flight instinct) and from struggling; she was worn out. Every single time I asked her to try, she would- every time. Our vet agreed that it was time... and she went to get a tranquilizer to let her relax. After Lynna was pretty much sleeping, she gave her the final two shots. My mare left me alone in 2-3 minutes. I knew when she was gone, but our vet had to double check her big heart to be sure it had stopped. It was a little bit later the backhoe arrived... and within a short time, my mare was gone.

   My best friend in my whole life on 4 legs, my soul mate. Almost 27 years of being together...We saw it all, from peaceful grassy pastures, almost chest high snow,  hot air balloons, to trains flashing by, firecrackers, helium balloons on strollers, cars, buses, semi trucks, helicopters, jets doing flyovers, burning houses, and just about anything one can think of that would scare a horse. Just about the only thing she didn't like was water. Puddles, storm drains, the runoff in the ring, anything. She loved baths though- so go figure. I remember when we had the posts in the ring here put into the ground. No fencing, just the posts. It rained like mad the next day and when it was done, I turned Lynn n' Bo out in that pasture. Oh, My Word! You'd have thought she was going to sink to China with how she trotted up the hill. ' Ewwwwww- I am NOT stepping in those Puddles!!!!' Bo would wallow in them- we called him "Scuba Bo". But not Lynn- oh no. I never saw such terrific high action that day with her trying her best to not get her hooves or legs wet. I remember just laughing at her which in turn embarrassed her a little, but nope- just don't ask my girl to walk in the water. She'd do or go Anywhere, but not water.

  So now she's gone- I miss her antics and her love for a very long time. She took me to the top in the show ring, and thru her, I became a world champion driver and trainer. I still can't really believe that night was real but I know it was... all thanks to a tall, goofy looking, big-eared, long-legged yearling filly, that no one but our Suzi could tolerate, I fell in love with so long ago. now the tears come.

This was last March- shedding like mad. I knew she was looking "old" then but it took her 27 years to look her aged.

Wednesday without Lynna

While I couldn't deal with being in the barn this morning, I Had to go up this evening. I was alright until I turned the corner and there was Lynn's grave. We decided to give her a place of 'honor'- so she is buried up near the hen's house where she liked to stand sometimes. It was warm in winter sunshine and not in the line of wind. One day when things are thawed out, I want to rake over the top and make it look a little neater...

Got into the tack room, greeted the new-ish kitty girls and braced myself to head into the barn. Lynn's stall was the first- right across from the tack room door. All of the horses heard me and whinnied in hunger. Apparently, they hadn't been fed in oh, a year or more according to them. I put their dinner in their feed tubs and lost it as I walked back to the tack room door. The marks from her leaning against the back wall, the pooh stains on the wood, and some leftover winter hair from when she was dragged out of her stall yesterday. The scuff marks her hooves left were still there also.

If any of you get tired of reading of this incredible sadness, just scroll on by. Writing is one of the ways I deal with grief- so it helps me. This grief is strong also. It's worse than when we found Abby down in the fence, worse than when I had to choose between a terrible life for Evie ( to be on meds the rest of her life, dealing w/ the pain of chronic laminitis,etc) or to let her go. Yep- losing my soulmate on 4 legs is slowly doing me in. Of course, I don't say anything here as I know Glenn is handling things as well as he can... and it won't be long till we can talk about Lynna's goofy quirks and how intelligent she was.

So, I leaned on her stall, crying like some ninny over a horse who'd been in my life while many horrible things happened and many good things as well. < sigh> Tomorrow I will be up there alone after Glenn is done helping w/ turnouts. And more tears will happen, I imagine. 

Plodding along, hoping for an early Springtime- that's me. ; /

She's Gone

2.6.18

 I wanted to let you all know that today Lynn went to join Evie, Abby, Dixie, Suzi, Carli, Alli, and Chance in Horse Heaven. Across the Rainbow Bridge.

My heart is shattered right now, but as usual, I'll be alright. She was cast/down against a wall in her stall, and we tried & tried, but couldn't get her up. It was time and while my heart is broken, I know all the things that should be absorbed to justify this loss, but not right now.

***********************************************************************************************

For my mare...

  ''Thank you for the thousands of miles you shared with me. Each step was closer to retirement, but each step was with me, nonetheless. You were the absolute best friend a human could ever have, and I thank you for that. I loved you with as much love a human could offer a horse, and you understood. I remember those times when I had to leave you in different places- to be bred, or at horse shows towards the end of your career, only to hear your calls to me to not forget you. How could I forget the most wonderful, happy, loving animal I ever had the pleasure of knowing? I'd count the days until you could come back home. I remember sitting with you at those last shows, missing many driving classes, because you didn't want me to leave you alone, and I didn't want you to be stressed about it.

I remember sitting with you during the last few days of your pregnancy because I wanted to be there when you had your daughter. Luckily, I was and got to witness Mariah come into the world. What a wonderful mama you were! Full of love and patience, yet, still came to say hello to me- and to show off your daughter one more time. You were so very proud of her. I remember sitting with you when your tummy hurt so badly during colic those few times. We got through it, though- didn't we?

I remember just yesterday when you got angry at me because you were not allowed to be in the barn before dinner time, eating everyone else's horse feed. You got so mad, you even bucked and showed me that old flabby fanny, plus those hind feet. " You see? I am mad and I Could have kicked you, but I didn't" 
Yes, you did have a temper and it got either worse or better when I laughed at it. Sometimes, the more I laughed, you knew it made me think whatever you did was funny, so you did it again, just to hear me laughing. I remember you hating those big black nasty horseflies on your back- and how you'd bring them to me so I could swat them. At a GALLOP! You were a little scary then, you know.  You never hurt me- even when you were frantic for me to get that thing OFF.

I remember the times I would try to video you and wow, did you put on a big show. You threw those hind feet right over my head! I remember how you waited at the end of the pasture for me to lead all of the other horses in, and only then, when you had my full attention would you gallop up to me. Yes- Gallop- again, a little scary when a big giant 2000-pound horse comes at a gallop toward a puny human. You used to stop right in front of me, dropping that beautiful face for your halter.

I remember us having the big fancy white carriage for weddings. You were so full of yourself at looking so wonderful, but you kept that ever-wonderful Percheron mind together and didn't take a bad step each time. Do you remember when we were in Wilmington, Delaware in the rain? You were just a 3-year-old and so inquisitive. Once again, even though I was shaking like mad in fear, praying you didn't get scared and get hurt, you came through it all like the great mare you were. You even were having enough fun to lift your head up, looking at those city people on the bus beside you!  Oh, what a good time they had too.

 I remember the wedding where there had been a terrible house fire the night before... You had no idea what we were walking into while taking the bride and her dad to the church. Did you act like the average horse when we came down that slope into town? Towards the still smoking house, with fire trucks and police cars all over the single-lane road... did you ever feel frightened of that man in orange flapping his bright orange flag? If you did, I didn't feel it. No- you walked up to him, carefully stepping over the water hoses, ignoring the noise, the gawking humans, and the helicopters flying overhead. We stopped and the man rubbed your face as you tried to eat his flag. Again, you were a champ for me.

Just don't ask you to go through water though. I remember the times when my helper had to jump down from the carriage to "help" you step over drainage areas in roadways. You were scared you'd fall in! Once there was someone there to be supportive, you hopped right over and waited for them to get back into the carriage. Do you remember that trail drive at Fair Hill when we still lived in Maryland?  You JUMPED that 4' wide, inch-deep stream! Me, Sara, and the cart all went flying!!  There was laughter on both sides of that little teeny stream that day, my sweet.  We made it through, didn't we? And you did not get those hooves wet at all.

I remember when we first met... You were quite the ugly duckling back them. You weren't even 2 years old and in that awful butt-high growing spurt. Ears big enough to be half mule, short neck, and looking like there had been a few horses all glued together as nothing matched... but I fell in love with you right then. You didn't realize it but I did. All of the times we'd go to a show to come home with so many blue ribbons, and that world championship. You took me to the top, my dear heart, and I couldn't tell you how special it all was...somehow I knew you had done a good job.
 

Yes, we've had a grand life together. 

So many good memories that I will never forget.

When it was my turn to attempt to repay you for all of those fancy blue ribbons and miles of hard work, you graciously accepted the more than perfect care and tried so hard to understand that even though bending those painful, arthritic knees and hocks hurt so badly, you tried, and the farrier keep your hooves comfortable. You put up with me putting all kinds of things in your feed- and loved getting the almost pure alfalfa the past few years. Old teeth are not able to chew as well anymore and I knew that. All of those things were to help you feel better so you wouldn't get stuck lying down outside any longer. I knew you had become hard of hearing, so those whispers we did together had to get a little louder. And you'd get mad about that too- usually shoving me to show it.

I remember how poor Glenn would be battered by your show bit- and I could hear you snickering quietly about it. I remember when you first met Glenn. You didn't shove him away nor turn your rather wide behind to the stall door- no, you welcomed him. That was how I decided that he was the one for me.
( yes, he still jokes about it) He still is, Lynna... I love him as much as ever, possibly more each day.

Today, when we got to the barn only to find you down in your stall, you still tried to get up. You still trusted me to help all I could. Not once did I ever feel in danger because I was in a small space with 2000 pounds of ultimate power. Every time I'd go by, you'd nicker to me. Lynna- we tried SO damned hard to help you, but this time we couldn't. I knew when you gave up and told me you were just so tired. It was a time I prayed would never come and I made the decision I knew I would have to make one day. I let you go... yes, my heart and mind are shattered right now, but never forget how I loved you all those years and will love you till the end of mine.

Goodbye, my wonderful, sweet Lynna- You are missed now and will be forever. I love you and will treasure you being in my life for so many years. Never again will there be another love like yours and I will cherish the memories we had.

We became World Champions one evening, Lynn and I...

Godspeed, my soul mate, my World Champion, my love. You were my special, spectacular horse-the best a human could ever, ever love. Even in your ancient years, you were still a World Champion to me and will be forever.
                                                                     4/8/1990- 2/6/2018